A healing practice to harness my power to manifest. It reminded my ancient self of all the ways our people healed themselves forward 7 generations and backward 7 generations. Visceral knowing of power, ReClaiming.
Guided by Sara Flores,
- I picked my herbs with clear intention and thankfulness. Rosemary, Lavender and Sage.
- I placed them in water with intentions named 9 times. I am water.
- I remembered the New Moon energy, it was during her extra potent medicine. I made ten wishes.
She brought me a little bowl of dried herbs, Chamomile, Calendula, more I don’t remember. She said to choose how much I need, 2 big pinches. She chose rose petals and the piston of a hibiscus for me.
The water brewed. It steamed and was brought to the toilet and the handles of the pot held it up. Toilet seat down over the pot handles, a towel around the bowl, a towel for my backside and lap, to cover and hold the steam in.
Sara said she prepared it for me the way she likes it, STRONG, because intuitively she knew its how I would want and need it.
Sara lit 3 candles with a red hue, and the blatant meditative message “self-love”. At first I hovered over the steam, felt tension in my thighs and ass, a little afraid of what steam might feel like on my vulva. It was warm, welcoming, nothing difficult to endure. I lowered my self and relaxed into it. The steam enveloped my vulva. I found myself reflecting at the very act of spending time with my self, alone, with candles, and the scent and energy of the herbs. It felt ancient, my cells absorbing the droplets of water into my mucus membranes, my cells carrying on the intentions throughout my system. I felt my vagina willingly letting go of what she no longer needed, felt the sweat drip right off of and out of me, my cellular intelligence perked up, taking in the intentions, and the same time on a conscious anatomical/physiological level noticing:
– circulation increasing in my back/heat flourishing up to my shoulders, tension melting in my back
– movement in my cheeks and entire face, like release tightness and warmth filling my face/rosy cheeks
– i could feel stagnation in my arms, specifically in my right arm where i have an ulnar nerve injury and being able to stretch my hand better.
– I remember feeling the back of my head light up. In the occiput I could feel movement-like cerebro-spinal fluid flowing.
– The most SIGNIFICANT increase in circulation was in my vulva and clitoris, I could feel blood rushing down and around and flooding. I felt my vulva shed numbness, fear, tension and shame. I sensed that I was becoming engorged.
– The next night I had sex and was able to feel the slightest sensation, allowing me to savor every moment, exquisitely feeling pressure, caressing, and energy of love. My tissues were open to RECEIVE love and pleasure, and it was the least scary it’s been, this vulnerability.
On a sexual level, it made me aware of all my interactions with this part of my body, sharing it my partner, lovers, myself, my last painful cycle, self-exam groups, not sharing it with predators yet having it be invaded, etc. I took time to forgive myself for ways in which I hadn’t honored myself, and in the same breath I thanked myself for pursuing my pleasure and delving into exploring every aspect of owning it all. I welcomed nothing but love and pleasure in my vagina from now on. I thanked her for sending me messages along our wild journey together. I thanked Pachamama for allowing me to re-enter my birthright of self-healing, and healing with community.
I thought about how I had first heard of Sara in January 2010 after a long medicine journey I took along the California Coast. A sister of the African diaspora said, You MUST meet Sara. I took it to heart, her emphasis on how I would connect with Sara and that it was a connection that had to be made, for the sake of humanity. I know this sounds over the top in some ways, like really, come on. But for reals, that message kept coming at me for the next 22 months, every where I went; conferences, meetings, events, dear people would say, you HAVE to meet Sara. Entonces, the time came when we connected on Facebook, interchanged via messages so succinctly and met pretty quickly in real life. I gave myself the gift of visiting her in Oakland during my thanksgiving trip with my honey Diem. Little by little, I’m collecting my chosen family.
After my session, I took my bath to the earth and offered it back. Sara stood there with me. We laughed like the brujas we are, relentlessly reclaiming.